the sickness


I feel sick.

Like my chest wants to rise up out of my throat.

Like I’ve swallowed toxic chemicals, and they’re going to spill forth sob after sob.

I don’t know why I get this way- an overwhelming loneliness.

I just need to sit as my skin bubbles.

Perhaps my mind will evaporate as the rest of me melts.


Exit 7.30.13 

Perhaps you might find that i’m gone. Though more often than not, you also might not.

If you’re curious as to where I am, I’ve simply moved the ‘current’ to another blog in order to leave this one as an archive. This new blog will still have poetry, but it will be more of a journal of the inner workings of my thoughts and feelings. So still poetry, but much more akin to prose.

I hope you see you there, and if not, you’ve still been lovely and amazing.


Much Love,



I think, I’m going to leave this all behind

This blog has done me a lot of good, brought me many friends, admirers, admirees the likes. But, I think it’s time for me to move on. I’m not going to delete it. It has too much in it’s archive, and many things i’d like to revisit, or to let other people browse through. It’s a part of me, that may still be applicable, but that is passed, and ready to be closed as a chapter.

I may come back, but, I think I’ll mostly just create a new blog. A blank slate. 

I’ve been neglecting visiting here, so I may very well go unnoticed, but, this is a preemptive farewell.

Perhaps it’s only a late-night thought. It could be entirely reconsidered in the morning. Who knows? (I might.)


My thighs are cold and these sheets are empty

I lose my breath a lot.

And stairs tend to scare me nowadays.

But I really like your bed.

I really like it.


Sunday’s redundancy

There’s a lamb waiting outside the church- staring at the steeple. Silent in all that it is; innocence and purity.

I know God is not here, for besides greeting the lamb, his holiness’ incarnate did not usher it in.

Life is busy for a man in white, but is that not the purpose? Is that how God works? Get the majority and never think to ask the single, wandering lamb what it thinks: what it feels?

But perhaps the all knowing knows all. Perhaps he knows that the lamb seeks silence; that it only needs that moment to itself.

Afterall, the knowing one can find other lambs with greater need. Perhaps he knows the lamb- the quiet solemn lamb- while longing for connection, has no want for need.

But what am I- to think of the quiet lamb, which stares at the church steeple.



There’s really not much to this than a ramble.

They say love is invigorating. Passionate. 

A shit ton of restless and sleepless nights. All that good stuff.

And sure. I’ve had it, I suppose. I’ve also had the emotional torture, or what I thought was “love” but more of a forced emotion just for the sake of feeling “loved.”

That’s not the point of this. There’s not much of a point really.

I’m just happy. Calm. Relieved. Quiet.

In love. I am. 

I’ve never been more sure, nor have I ever been better in a circumstance such as this. 

I’m at peace. 

Things make me happy, and things make me sad. 

It’s alright. 

I like sleep. 

But I really like waking up in the morning.

It’s nice.

I’ll still be here, and I’ll still be there.

Findings 5.16.13

I am the wind and the water, the chains that make me free, because they are unconstrained, and that defines me.

50 Rules for Dads of Daughters
1. Love her mom. Treat her mother with respect, honor, and a big heaping spoonful of public displays of affection. When she grows up, the odds are good she’ll fall in love with and marry someone who treats her much like you treated her mother. Good or bad, that’s just the way it is. I’d prefer good.
2. Always be there. Quality time doesn’t happen without quantity time. Hang out together for no other reason than just to be in each other’s presence. Be genuinely interested in the things that interest her. She needs her dad to be involved in her life at every stage. Don’t just sit idly by while she add years to her… add life to her years.
3. Save the day. She’ll grow up looking for a hero. It might as well be you. She’ll need you to come through for her over and over again throughout her life. Rise to the occasion. Red cape and blue tights optional.
4. Savor every moment you have together. Today she’s crawling around the house in diapers, tomorrow you’re handing her the keys to the car, and before you know it, you’re walking her down the aisle. Some day soon, hanging out with her old man won’t be the bees knees anymore. Life happens pretty fast. You better cherish it while you can.
5. Pray for her. Regularly. Passionately. Continually.
6. Buy her a glove and teach her to throw a baseball. Make her proud to throw like a girl… a girl with a wicked slider.
7. She will fight with her mother. Choose sides wisely.
8. Go ahead. Buy her those pearls.
9. Of course you look silly playing peek-a-boo. You should play anyway.
10. Enjoy the wonder of bath time.
11. There will come a day when she asks for a puppy. Don’t over think it. At least one time in her life, just say, “Yes.”
12. It’s never too early to start teaching her about money. She will still probably suck you dry as a teenager… and on her wedding day.
13. Make pancakes in the shape of her age for breakfast on her birthday. In a pinch, donuts with pink sprinkles and a candle will suffice.
14. Buy her a pair of Chucks as soon as she starts walking. She won’t always want to wear matching shoes with her old man.
15. Dance with her. Start when she’s a little girl or even when she’s a baby. Don’t wait ‘til her wedding day.
16. Take her fishing. She will probably squirm more than the worm on your hook. That’s OK.
17. Learn to say no. She may pitch a fit today, but someday you’ll both be glad you stuck to your guns.
18. Tell her she’s beautiful. Say it over and over again. Someday an animated movie or “beauty” magazine will try to convince her otherwise.
19. Teach her to change a flat. A tire without air need not be a major panic inducing event in her life. She’ll still call you crying the first time it happens.
20. Take her camping. Immerse her in the great outdoors. Watch her eyes fill with wonder the first time she sees the beauty of wide open spaces. Leave the iPod at home.
21. Let her hold the wheel. She will always remember when daddy let her drive.
22. She’s as smart as any boy. Make sure she knows that.
23. When she learns to give kisses, she will want to plant them all over your face. Encourage this practice.
24. Knowing how to eat sunflower seeds correctly will not help her get into a good college. Teach her anyway.
25. Letting her ride on your shoulders is pure magic. Do it now while you have a strong back and she’s still tiny.
26. It is in her nature to make music. It’s up to you to introduce her to the joy of socks on a wooden floor.
27. If there’s a splash park near your home, take her there often. She will be drawn to the water like a duck to a puddle.
28. She will eagerly await your return home from work in the evenings. Don’t be late.
29. If her mom enrolls her in swim lessons, make sure you get in the pool too. Don’t be intimidated if there are no other dads there. It’s their loss.
30. Never miss her birthday. In ten years she won’t remember the present you gave her. She will remember if you weren’t there.
31. Teach her to roller skate. Watch her confidence soar.
32. Let her roll around in the grass. It’s good for her soul. It’s not bad for yours either.
33. Take her swimsuit shopping. Don’t be afraid to veto some of her choices, but resist the urge to buy her full-body beach pajamas.
34. Somewhere between the time she turns three and her sixth birthday, the odds are good that she will ask you to marry her. Let her down gently.
35. She’ll probably want to crawl in bed with you after a nightmare. This is a good thing.
36. Few things in life are more comforting to a crying little girl than her father’s hand. Never forget this.
37. Introduce her to the swings at your local park. She’ll squeal for you to push her higher and faster. Her definition of “higher and faster” is probably not the same as yours. Keep that in mind.
38. When she’s a bit older, your definition of higher and faster will be a lot closer to hers. When that day comes, go ahead… give it all you’ve got
39. Holding her upside down by the legs while she giggles and screams uncontrollably is great for your biceps. WARNING:She has no concept of muscle fatigue.
40. She might ask you to buy her a pony on her birthday. Unless you live on a farm, do not b41. Take it easy on the presents for her birthday and Christmas. Instead, give her the gift of experiences you can share her a pony on her birthday. It’s OK to rent one though.
42. Let her know she can always come home. No matter what.
43. Remember, just like a butterfly, she too will spread her wings and fly some day. Enjoy her caterpillar years.
44. Write her a handwritten letter every year on her birthday. Give them to her when she goes off to college, becomes a mother herself, or when you think she needs them most.
45. Learn to trust her. Gradually give her more freedom as she gets older. She will rise to the expectations you set for her.
46. When in doubt, trust your heart. She already does.
47. When your teenage daughter is upset, learning when to engage and when to back off will add years to YOUR life. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
48. Ice cream covers over a multitude of sins. Know her favorite flavor.
49. This day is coming soon. There’s nothing you can do to be ready for it. The sooner you accept this fact, the easier it will be.
50. Today she’s walking down the driveway to get on the school bus. Tomorrow she’s going off to college. Don’t blink.


urrickaa:The Nu Project

The Nu Project is a series of honest nudes of women from all over the world. The project began in 2005 and has stayed true to the original vision: no professional models, minimal makeup and no glamour. The focus of the project has been and continues to be the subjects and their personalities, spaces, insecurities and quirks.


This is youth- my smile and you.

Darling we’re dangerous, don’t you know?

We play along the line of innocence.

They know our faces,

they see our smiles,

but our eyes are glazed over- unreadable.

We play

We dance

Implicit temptation waiting for night

So that we realize

we grow in the dark.

Is it maturity?

Is it age?

What are we doing that we learn?